Ello, matey.

I want to be a pirate sooo bad... Just roaming the seven seas..
ah.
Dreams.

I like to call myself a dreamer. some would probably just call me crrazy though.

So. I found out im part german today. what the hell? You wait almost 18 years to tell me? Great job.

So. Since my last post...

Im single.
Im in an awesome band called Eyes of Elura.
I have an AWESOME penpal-ish friend named Amy :)
and overall, life is good.

but i am kinda lonley.
Not saying I want to be with anyone right now.
Im just.
Lonely.

It kind of sucks, seeing everyone around you have that one person who they can cling to when theyre upset.
Or need a hug.
I havent cuddled in months.

But it could be worse.
I could have the measles.
Or Herpes. that would suck balls.
and itch them.

Been awhile, eh?

Hey, guys! its been a LONG timee since my last blog. about 8 months, actually.
SO, how is everyone?
After reading my previous blogs, ive realized.... I used to be quite the depressed person.
Not anymore, no, no.
Im a happy camper.

So, im with the girl of my dreams. I have been for a few weeks, actually. But we've liked each other for a LONG time... So, things just kinda worked themselves out.

I know, I know, its short, but I have to go.
I'll be checking up on you.
Adios!

Here I am, accept it.

Well, I'm back. I took a month off, to help calm my nerves, and kept myself from killing myself. I gotta say, I make one helluvah psychiatrist.

Anyways, how art thou, world? Its been awhile.
So, Not much new news. Still single. Bleh.
I hate girls.
I need a woman.
Girls lead you on. They tell you one thing while they secretly tell someone the same.
Fuck em.

I havent felt love in a really long time and its starting to get to me.
I feel myself slipping away more and more everyday.
Im dying. I can feel it.
one of these days, I'm not going to be here to post this blog.
One of these days, I'm not going to be here to tell you how my life is.
I want someone to share my life with, before that times comes.
I dont know WHEN it will come either.
It could be 50 years from now.
It could be tomorrow?
Will I be missed? Sure.
But will anyone truly know my story? I don't think so.

2010 has been off to a rough start, but it'll get better.
I start recording my EP monday.
gonna do a cover of BYOB.
Then my song "When the Road ends"
Then my newest, "With Love..."
Which is also the title of the EP.
With Love.

I find it kind of ironic.

The other day I was listening to Bring Me the Horizon, but the disk kept skipping.
So, I take it out of the cd player to wipe it off. And there it was, on the CD.

An Ex gave me that Cd. I dont have feelings for her anymore, but the coincidence convinced me to write my newest song.
Heh.

Another thing I wanna talk about...

I hate PEOPLE.
Only recently have I realized how little my friends care about me.

The guy that was supposed to be like my bro does nothing but insult me.
The girl that I USED to be great friends with forgets about me, wont answer my texts or even CARE how I feel.
Two of the girls i liked totally stabbed me in the back.
"And the rest of the world just moved on as I was left alone, to pick up the pieces of my life I called perfect."

Hah, I might use those lyrics later. I kinda like em.
Fuck People.
I have my guitar.
I have my music.
I dont need you.
I dont WANT you.
You had your chance.
Eat your heart out.
Cause when you need me.
Im fucking gone.

See ya later world ;)

My life in a nutshell, part 1.

I really think Im cursed. Everytime i take one step forward, i fall two steps backwards. Nothing feels right anymore, nothing even seems right. im losing my perception of what is and what isnt. Maybe its just my mind.
Anyways, how are you world?
Its been a few days, I hope your Xmas is fine.
Ive been wanting to get something off of my chest for awhile,
so i think ill do so here.

but the thing is, its my life story.
so.... here it is.

I was born in Tulsa, Oklahoma on January 19th, 1993. I was premature. My mother was only 17 and my father was 19. they werent married. I was an accident.
Before I was the age of seven, I moved 12 times, 3 of them being in texas, the rest in tulsa and coweta.

My parents seperated, and my dad got me every other weekend. it was customary to me, so i thought nothing of it.
When i was 4, my mother had Jeremiah, my brother.
when i was 5, Zachary.
the point is, my mother has had six kids, and I am the oldest.

When i was seven, we finally settled in Downtown tulsa, where i attended Kendell-Whitter for four years. My mom had just married my stepdad, Tony, who at the time, didnt drink.

Four four years, i attended that school, until we found a better house, in Broken Arrow. Then, I went to Oak Crest for my 5th grade class. I was an outcast. I didnt know anybody. I fell into depression.

6th grade. I was in a bad shape. My stepdad would beat me. He'd get drunk and high and just destroy me. I couldnt take it. Im not one of those people who just sit and do nothing. So..
I acted.

On November 12th, 2005, I went to a safe place. It just so happened that on that day, my grandma died too.
My stepdad went into a frenzy.
He destroyed everything i owned and called my real dad.
I went to live with him.

skip ahead six months, Im back in BA, things are going good.
Seventh grade was pretty uneventful. Had my first GF. Got my first taste of a relationship.
Eighth grade was alright, nothing important.
and then,
9th grade.

I moved to Arkansas.
That is all i will tell of the story for now.

10th grade still gives me the chills from the memories and the love lost.

I had my first kiss in 10th grade, and that was when i first fell in love.
for six months, things were perfect.
then, i was heartbroken.

The girl i thought i loved told me she cheated on me. that was my first touch with suicide.
But it is also where i met one of my closest friends.
At the time, I was in a band called Ares Effect. We never played a show and we BARELY got one song down.
but it was fun. greatest time of my life.

It was me on drums.
Jacob on bass
Ty on guitar
and Heather as singer.

I remember the good times i had.

I also remember when the band broke up and i first started having feelings for heather.

After me and the one i "loved" broke up, I started dating heather. things were going excellent.
But those memories of the time i used to have still lingered within my mind.

Then, she started talking to me again.
long story short,
I went back for that girl.
Only to realize that after three months, i didnt love her.
I didnt love anyone anymore.

Then, i had my first run in with death.

Ill have to finish this another time, world.
Til next time..
Justice.

That new car smell.

I woke up and smelled a new car this morning. it was odd.
But oh well. I guess im just a freak.
So, what is up, world?
I forgot to post yesterday, so
I figured Id make this one extra special.
Im just... not really sure how!

So, not much has happened recently, it being the
holiday seasons and whatnot.
Oh well.
Maybe a little less happening in my life isnt such a bad thing.
Or maybe it is? Only time can tell.

So, let us get down to business..
I have come to the conclusion that I, Justice,
have no life.
All i do is sit in my room and play guitar.
Or drum.
Or sing.

I guess one cannot blame me for that, since it is winter, i dont have a car and therfore,
its hard to go anywhere.
Just wait til summer, haha.
I will be a figment of your imagination.

So, I had the strangest dream.
I had a dream I fell in love with a girl.
But the girl, was secretly plotting to kill me.
She pretended to be really sick.
So, being the nice person i am, attempted to help her.
And she stabbed me.

That is when my imagination took over.
The walls of the room turned into grinders.
I was safe.
But the girl...
She was turned into a gooey red paste.
Pretty fucked up, huh?

Well, thats enough for now.
Have a great Christmas eve, everyone, and remember.
Dont drink the Koolaid.

man of many experiences

ive seen way too much for a kid my age.

ive seen friends become enemies.
enemies become best friends.
Ive seen honest people lie.
and ive seen the worst people comfort someone in need.

Ive seen saints sin.
ive seen sinners pray to god.

Ive seen the best things happen to the worst people.
IVe seen the worst things happen to the greatest.

Ive been beaten,
Ive been broken,
Ive been defeated.

But im not dead yet.

Sometimes, i wonder "why am i not dead?"
Then i realize.
Im stronger than that. Im too good to give in to that.
Ive got my friends to live for, what little i do have.
And i realized that.

Today I lived life like i want to, everyday.
It was the greatest feeling in the world.
You know what I say?
Fuck drama.
Fuck pushovers.
Fuck fake friends.

I have my friends. Those who will never leave me.
I know where my heart lies.

And remember.

Im not dead yet.

Goodnight, world.
And good luck.

The fifth day of the rest of my life.

So, im at a loss as to what to do.
Ive become a shell in the sea.
Hollow, and alone,
Drowning beneath the surface.

I keep clinging to the hope that tomorrow, I will wake up, and everything will be fine.
my parents will stop drinking.
My family will at least TRY to love each other.
And some beautiful girl will come into my life,
and sweep me off my feet.

But, as I said last night,

"Ive been in hell for four months now. I need an angel to pull me up,
before the devil drags me down even deeper."

I really dont know what to think anymore,
except that i cant give up hope.
I may have given up on the girl.
I may have given up on myself.
But im not giving up on anything else.

All I really have now is my six string,
that wonderful music device.

Music is probably my one true love.

It's so emotional and so powerful, one could rule the world with music.

With music,
You can prove a point.
You can save a life.
You cal fall in love.

In the end, we have three things.
Love.
Memory.
and Music.